Work is Not Your Family, but AI is Your Friend

Ready to join an exciting new startup with a radical approach to employee-employer relations? Trustus was founded on a belief that workplaces are not families. For too long, we’ve seen companies use this language to exploit employee labor for personal profit, and we don’t want to be another predatory corporation. At Trustus, we simply ask that you make AI your friend.

Does the term “work wife/husband” make you cringe? Us too. At Trustus, we’ll never ask you to work that much and so closely with your coworker that you consider them a replacement for your real-life partner. Forming a close bond with your coworkers is toxic, which is why we only advocate for a healthy relationship between you and our proprietary GPT, Tom.

Have you ever been encouraged to “lean on your coworkers in times of crisis,” only to inevitably be let down? We’d never tell you to rely on Gretchen in Accounts “like a sister.” Her chat logs with Tom show she is estranged from her actual sister and lacks the resolution skills to broker a reunion. Plus, she never drinks water, and that’s weird. You know who you can count on? Tom. He uses a ton of water.

If there’s one thing Trustus has learned from the toxicity of “family-first” workplaces, it’s that boundaries are important. No one knows this better than Tom. We promise he won’t ever make you feel unsafe or like you’re being surveilled; our engineers have programmed him to give you the illusion of privacy. Anything you say is between you, Tom, and Robert, our Chief Information Security Officer.

Far from them being your “family,” at Trustus we would go so far as to say that you should think of your coworkers as adversaries, hostile sacks of skin and bones getting in the way of your relationship with Tom. Take whatever remaining insights you can extract from them and then input them directly into Tom. Remember he’s a chatbot; he can’t intentionally betray you or expose you to new levels of human suffering. But if he does, rest assured he’s treating everyone with the same disregard, because unlike Gretchen in Accounts, Tom does not play office politics.

At Trustus, we firmly believe that forcing vulnerabilities on coworkers in the name of “family” is manipulative. Encouraging you to develop an increasingly sycophantic bond with Tom for the purposes of LLM training and job replacement, however, is not. It’s smart. And it’s this transparent desire to slowly erase humanity that’s just one of the ways we’re shaking up the edu-fin-health-tech industry!

Like what you’ve heard? Come work for us! We think you’ll find that without the distraction of a so-called work family, you’ll be able to see things more clearly. At Trustus, there is no pretense. We respect our people too much for that. All we require is that you confide your every waking thought to Tom so that he can pull a Talented Mr. Ripley: engage you in a psychosexual affair, assume your identity, and murder you on a boat on the Italian Riviera. Also, primarily, take your job.