Travel Tips When Encountering Fellow Americans Abroad

Steer Clear
When spotting another American in a foreign country, your first instinct is usually the correct one: run in the opposite direction. Like you, this person has come here to blot out, even if for a bewildered weekend, the very idea of the place they left behind. The last thing either one of you needs right now is the reminder of how lost you are, both in an unprecedented, historic sense, and also in the center of this lovely, cobblestoned town.

If Unavoidable, Approach with Caution
At the same time, there’s not much point in attempting the mutual charade that you two haven’t noticed one another. Nor is there any reason to pretend that wearing a scarf and a collared shirt with the sleeves jauntily rolled up means you pass as a local. So, approach your fellow American at the iconic old bridge at dusk. Interrupt their curated IG Story with your own. It turns out this particular observation point is not the hidden gem the internet told you it was. Soon you’ll hear the sound of your compatriot’s swears about a spotty connection. This serves as your reminder that you forgot to turn off data roaming. Let your “For fuck’s sake” be a patriotic greeting.

Ask Where They Are from with More Caution
Keep the conversational details light. Ask about the person’s hometown. Resist any urge to comment on the news, with particular avoidance of the 250th anniversary stuff. Stay regional. Are you from that city that successfully protested plans for the new detention and/or data center? Are you from the place where there’s a sprawling water park that closed recently because they found a guy wedged in the flume? Tell them your cousin or college friend or ex happens to live near there and is loving it, apparently. Side-eye one another to determine if this is a good thing. Return to more Q and A. Is yours one of the states where you’re not allowed to pump your own gas? Is yours one where women can consult a doctor about pregnancy options? Well, see, it was…

Establish That You Are Better Adapted to This Foreign Country
When the conversation turns to this current trip, congratulate them on the itinerary highlights you’ve, naturally, seen already. It must have been really exciting for them to visit that monument. Overemphasize your better pronunciation of the name of the famous writer who lived and/or drank himself to death in this town. Make casual mention of your coveted museum early-entry pass. And, yes, they should have requested the off-menu specialty at that recommended dinner spot. It’s probably best, at this point, that they double-check their Airbnb lockbox codes. Assume it’s implied that you are more of a traveler than a tourist and therefore not part of any larger problem. Use the term “Yanks” for some additional cred. Better still, explain that “American” designates any citizen of one of the many nations across two continents. Depending on the reaction you get, circle back to the topic of the water park.

Homesick
You’re both convinced you won whatever contest that just was, so you’ve both lost. From here, more questions arise. Do you know what’s going to happen? To all of us back home, I mean? Do you think we will make it? Is it true what they say that our time is up? Shrug together, back and forth. Suggest that there’s still so much potential for the United States. Find something specific that supports this hope. You can talk about how freedom of thought and make-believe are positive ideas. Usually. Also, whatever we did this year on the moon seemed good. Your fellow American will bring up a brand of hot sauce which is Mexican, but represents the very best of our national cuisine. You add that, hey, we invented the concept of free refills. This means there’s still some intrinsic generosity in our culture, right? Sure, they say, and don’t forget Yellowstone. All these notions have only induced more shrugging. After another long awkward pause, mention the fact that Matthew McConaughey sometimes refers to Parker Posey as “Double P.” You both laugh. Yes, they agree, that is great. This could be enough. Maybe this small thing can save us. You both drift into a surprise silent reverie because, despite everything, you now miss the heartbreaking country you call home. Not the one in the news. But some other one. You and your new friend might have met somewhere on a late-night porch. This seems now like the more adventurous travel destination.

Post
The sunset over the river isn’t helping. Post to your Story before it’s too late. Overthink the music selection. Your fellow American wishes you “safe travels,” which hits as sincere. You respond in kind. In your matching hiking shoes, you part ways toward opposite sides of the bridge. It’s a long way back to the new world.