No, Mensa, YOU take MY Online Mini Test

A man stands in a log cabin at night while the roof leaks. He eats Pepperidge Farms cookies and paces to think. What if doing this with a blanket wrapped around you is a sign of genius? You would never know, because your online test is broken and it keeps giving VERY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE a score of 30 percent. Why?

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Some days it feels like our dreams took flight. Other days it feels like nothing ever got off the ground. Answer: True. I’ll give you one free answer, and that was it. But get your shit together, because I’m not gonna sit here and give you all the answers. Figure it out like the rest of us must.

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A person fishes in a cold river in the freezing rain. After six hours, it starts to snow. He is fly-fishing alone in a state where it evidently snows in July. A bald eagle watches from the bank. Do you think it was giving me powers of some sort? As my core body temperature drops, I start to think so.

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Two writers talk in New York. The first writer tells the second that moving to Los Angeles will destroy the second writer’s credibility. The first writer said this while writing an ad for Preparation H medicated wipes. This one doesn’t need an answer. Your job, for once in your organization’s life, is to just listen. I’ve really loved my first two years in Los Angeles.

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What number completes the following sequence: 2, 4, 19, 44, 88, 11? How long have you been staring at the sequence? You can stare until doomsday, but nothing’s going to come of it until you sit alone in a cold cabin and question your need for order, and your tendency to answer any question anyone asks you at any time.

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Is emotional regulation easier when one is being entirely honest with oneself? For instance, you find a typo in a script you’ve already sent to the producer. At first you want to die. Then you remind yourself it doesn’t matter, that very little actually matters in this world, and the typo will be fixed. Is this insight, or nihilism?

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Maria bought four oranges and three lemons for five dollars. Dan bought four oranges and three lemons for ten dollars at a natural foods store. Which of the following statements are true:

• Maria is at least twice as smart as Dan.
• Oranges and lemons are natural.
• Dan could literally have hypothermia in a log cabin in Montana right now, but is unfamiliar with the symptoms because they are so similar to his natural personality and disposition.