Premium: The Hater’s Guide To Oracle (Part 2)

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Oracle has one of the strongest mythologies in the tech industry. Ask a regular person and they’ll tell you that it’s “incredibly profitable” and “growing fast,” that it’s “unstoppable,” and that Larry Ellison has the mandate of heaven with regard to the continual sales of software and hardware related to databases and AI.

And those people are completely and utterly wrong.

The original title of this article was “Is Oracle Dying?” because I assume, when I took a deeper look, that there’d be some sort of debate, some sort of bull case for a decades-old quasi-hyperscaler run by one of the more nakedly-evil CEOs in the history of tech. I assumed — incorrectly, I might add — that Oracle as a business was doing fine other than the ridiculous commitments it made to support the whims of Sam Altman and OpenAI via deals that I believed (and still believe) will kill Oracle.

Except it turns out that Oracle has already been on a death spiral for the best part of a decade (if not longer) and has only survived this long by screwing its customers, taking on masses of debt, and — most importantly — more than $85 billion in acquisitions over the last 23 years. Pretty much every major product line outside of databases is a hodge-podge of other people’s innovation stapled together with a legendary contempt for the customer. These acquisitions (and continual price increases) are the only thing keeping the reaper from Oracle’s door other than margin-destroying GPUs.

And that’s why Oracle’s revenue looks like this:

After April 2009’s $5.7 billion acquisition of Sun Microsystems, Oracle’s revenues barely kept pace with inflation until December 2021’s $28.3 billion acquisition of Cerner allowed it to create Oracle Health, adding about $6 billion in annual revenue that had 40% lower margins (about 21.7%) than Oracle’s other businesses, though Oracle immediately started closing offices and …