Meet my attractive single friends

I have some eligible friends in their thirties who want to have kids, and I’d like them to get married. Here are six of them, two men and four women. They are all physically attractive and reasonably fit, I would say somewhere between “average” and “Instagram competitive” on looks. The men listed are both around 6’, the women are normal-ish height. Attachment style descriptions take it for granted that we all naturally lean anxious or avoidant, not indications of a disorder.

If you’re interested in any of them, please respond (over email or Substack DM) with which one(s) you’re interested in, some detail about you, and a flattering (but not deceptively flattering) photo or two. Effort will matter here. I’ll do some filtering and forward the replies to them.

I’m expecting at least one marriage to come out of this post. If it doesn’t happen, I will assume that the failure is yours.

1

1 is, apart from being beautiful and intelligent, perhaps the coolest woman I know. She’s the kind of cool where I would be completely unable to reconstruct her aesthetic decisions from scratch. Her style is impeccable, and I never know what we’re going to talk about. An ancient hymn? Some fintech scandal? Dog training techniques? Every time I come to town, she finds a fantastic DJ set. She could be a gallerist, conceptual artist, poet. Instead, she is a well-paid equivalent of these things, who is compensated for her guidance. You, too, will want her opinions and thoughts: she is a real original.

Location: NYC

Attachment style: leaning anxious

Why she’s single, if I had to guess: she just got out of a years-long push-and-pull relationship with an avoidant guy who was never straightforward about what he wanted. In NYC, it requires a lot of energy for her to filter for a guy who’s sophisticated enough to appreciate her taste, but also not an artsy fuckboy, the easiest demographic for her to attract.

2

What makes 2 notable is that it’s rare to meet someone who’s such a killer, yet so sweet. He is a famously intelligent and decisive person, both in people smarts and technical smarts, who’s really good at solving complex problems. His counsel on matters personal and professional has been helpful to me over the years, because he’s great at warmly questioning my lazy assumptions. Yet, he’s also deeply earnest, kind, and generous, the kind of guy who’s into choral music and folk dancing, and will also be happy to get into whatever your weird thing is. Spiritually curious but practical-minded.

Location: SF

Attachment style: leaning anxious

Why he’s single, if I had to guess: his inner confidence doesn’t yet match signals from the world, and he can be a bit uptight when he first meets people. I once tried to hook him up with an avoidant-leaning friend, who requires gatecrasher-style flirting from men, and he did not persist in the face of her chilliness. He may need some coaxing.

What he wants, in his brief words: “warm, smart and high integrity”

3

She is a woman who’d be great in a zombie apocalypse. She can plan a wilderness adventure, cook dinner, build robots, play woodwinds. She often intimidates men with her boisterous energy, intelligence, and professional success. But this makes her sound butch, which is wrong: she is in touch with her femininity, has a melodious laugh and an instinct for poetry. So we’re looking for, say, a smart carpenter or designer, I’m thinking Irish or spiritually Irish, who is willing to tussle, dance, and build with their partner, who can treasure her intellectual gifts and energy rather than being flummoxed by them.

Location: SF but could travel

Attachment style: leaning avoidant

Why she’s single, if I had to guess: her life is terrible for filtering for people who match her energy, and she is highly taxed by awkward dates. Partially because of this, she’s given up a little bit on broadcasting her attractiveness—“she’s hotter than I’d expect” is a common refrain from internet friends who meet her.

What she wants, in a few brief words: “Grounded. Smart enough to find abstraction sexy. Musician or dancer?”

4

The first time I met him, we hung out in his backyard with a famous hacker, talking cybersecurity, and he kept up. The second time we hung out, I took him to an extravagant art party in LA, and he had a great time chumming it up with painters, models, and gallerists. This, for me, remains emblematic of this person, who is a mega-genius, a PhD scientist with entrepreneurial abilities, yet also curious and open, able to sample from a wide variety of life’s pleasures. Over nearly a decade of knowing him, I am most impressed with his loyalty: he’s always there if you need him.

Location: Choosing between SF and NYC, but is flexible

Attachment style: leaning avoidant

Why he’s single, if I had to guess: he has just now done the amount of therapy/meditation where he’s really ready for a committed relationship—the famed Husband Ripeness Window, soon to close when he’s snapped up by someone. Also, prioritizing his career led him to be surrounded by technical, introverted people, whom he loves as friends but not romantic partners. Good romantic partners for him are funny, sociable, multifaceted types. He can also be a bit uptight on dates if he’s not sure if it’s a fit yet.

What he wants, in his brief words: “Sharp, makes me laugh, would be a great parent”

5

My wife wrote 5 a note once: “You’re hot as shit. Never change.” Indeed, 5 has a magnetic physical energy and charisma. But also, she has an intense and lively approach to everything: scientific work, Berlin nightclubs, spiritual growth, a good meal… She is propulsive and playful, has a big heart, and is on planes a lot. She is in the rare “high-achieving but chaotic” category, disliking rules and limitations as a general matter. When she enters a room, it often feels like, ah, the fun has finally arrived.

Location: usually between NYC and SF, but basically planes

Attachment style: leaning anxious

Why she’s single, if I had to guess: she spent many formative years almost marrying a man who expected her to be a trophy wife. It’s hard to find a man who wants a “two main characters” relationship, or even a dynamic where the female half is the lead. She would not do well in a relationship with someone who tried to tamp her down.

What she wants, in her brief words: “Someone who can face change. Curious, emotionally fluent, playful.”

6

I failed to initiate a coaching relationship with this person 6 years ago because it was too much fun talking to her and we instantly became friends instead of colleagues. Her rare juxtaposition is: incredible organizational skills and kittenish warmth. She’s someone to do silly dances with, who will share your joys and sorrows, who could also set up a multinational company for you tomorrow if you needed one. If this matters to you, she’s slender, athletic, and always dressed right. She’s also committed to becoming wiser: over the six years I’ve known her, she’s lost none of her emotional depth, but she’s gained a ton of perspective and clarity, and this seems to be a continuing process.

Location: NYC

Attachment style: leaning anxious

Why she’s single, if I had to guess: She just got out of a really complicated relationship which was probably doomed from the start. She’s confident 1:1 but shy at parties and hates the apps, so it’s hard for her to meet people, and she’s a bit daunted but the prospect at the moment. Also, she’s primarily looking for emotional groundedness in a partner, not necessarily her intellectual/professional equal, but her circle attracts the opposite.

What she wants, in her brief words: “Someone who makes me feel safe.”