Asian vs. Western Restaurant Culture

“Fremdscham” is a rather exclusive word in the German language. It means you’re embarrassed on someone else’s behalf. While traveling with my in-laws before and after my wedding, I felt a bit of it every time we ordered at a restaurant.

“Can we swap the mashed potatoes for fries for the schnitzel?” “Is it possible to get rice as a side?” “Can you make this well-done instead of medium?” We were a large group with kids and elderly people, so, often, restaurants already had to put in extra effort just to host us. Then, the custom requests began, and I shrank a little more into my chair with each one.

Of course, in the end, it was never a big deal. Most requests were met. Some weren’t. And life just went on. After we returned home, however, my wife and I kept reflecting on why her family’s Asian restaurant behavior seemed awkward to me as a European. Eventually, we realized how differently “eating out” works on the two continents.

In Europe, Germany in particular, restaurants serve “dishes.” A dish usually consists of a protein, some carbs, and at least one side—but the dish is self-contained. If the menu says “steak with rosemary potatoes and green beans,” that’s what the restaurant has planned for, and that’s what you’re getting. The idea is that if each person eats one main dish, they’ll be full, and everyone leaves happy.

In Asia, sharing food is the default. The whole table will be covered in small and large plates with various veggies, meats, and sauces, and everyone can take a little bit of everything. It’s totally standard to say, “Give me some rice, some duck, and some mushrooms.” Menu or no menu, food will appear.

Now, why is this the case? I can only speculate, but I believe it has to do with how cooking works. Many European dishes vary a lot. Spaghetti bolognese is an entirely different recipe than a hot dog, which again is totally different from Käsespätzle. The prep, processing, and order of steps for each dish is vastly different. Therefore, each one comes with its own procedure, and the more you have to deviate from said procedure, the more potential timing problems you incur.

In Asia, rice is the standard and, often, only form of carbohydrates. Each restaurant has several rice cookers going all the time, so they can throw out bowls of rice like nobody’s business. The ingredients are also varied, often more so than in European cuisine, and while there are of course different methods of cooking, much of it comes down to chopping vegetables and proteins, steaming them or frying them in a wok, and adding in the sauce as the dish is made. This isn’t to say Asian cuisine is simplistic, but it is often a lot faster. I sometimes order at a Vietnamese place nearby, and they hand me my food within three minutes. Unthinkable at a Bavarian restaurant!

This isn’t to say Asian chefs are faster or that European dishes are more sophisticated. But the whole dynamic did teach me an interesting lesson: The how determines the “huh?” What’s considered normal and what makes you scratch your head depends on the culture, but, in many cases, it also goes back to how the sausage is made—sometimes literally.

A great bolognese is meant to boil for hours, and there’s also great fun in trying a bit of steamed chicken in the same meal as eating crispy duck. Test new dishes, sure, but also: Give new ways of dining a chance, yet don’t be afraid to return to comfort mode when you need it—even if it makes your brother-in-law sweat a little more than he would otherwise.