internet safety for kids / a love letter to the internet

Content warning: Mention of suicide, grooming methods, child sexual abuse.

In between all the social media bans and age-verification discussions, I think back to my online time as a child. My parents' household got internet when I was about 9 years old, and we had a family computer everyone used. At age 12, I got my own PC in my room.

What the internet gave me was important and definitely shaped who I am today, for the better even.

It offered me a way to journal that was inaccessible to my parent, who was always searching through all my stuff, reading my paper journals, and digging through my trash. Getting access to my PC, and then finding a specific website and logging in there was a big hurdle back then.

It gave me a way to connect with others who were also having problems. We could vent to each other about school issues, parental abuse, self-image and more. It was my form of therapy before I could access any care. It helped me gain perspective, feel understood and learn what is and isn't normal behavior from a parent. It was great that I could finally find others I could connect to and help them with their issues as well, when I was mostly a loner at school. Thanks to the internet, there were opportunities to socialize for me that real life couldn't give me - in chats, in forums, via blogging, early social media, or games.

It also shaped my political views and values in ways that school or parents simply lacked. My parents aren't very politically literate or in any way academic. There were no intellectual discussions ever at my home. To be quite honest, there weren't any discussions aside from household-centered stuff.

School is... school. Surface level, limited by the skills and views of each teacher, very centrist, very mellow, very exam-focused, and very local. Places like Tumblr opened up a whole world full of political discourse for me. I learned so much theory there, was exposed to a lot of discussions, both heated and respectful back-and-forth, walls of text with sources, and a much more of a global view.

Following a discussion chain and seeing so many arguments and their proof, just to change my mind with the answer that follows, gave me more than any staged, weird discussion table at school could give, where no one even seriously held any of the views they were forced to read from a paper. I think without discussion culture online back then in forums or places like Tumblr, I wouldn't have learned to write the way I do, which both helped me in school as well as paved the way to write things like the tech utopia fantasy is over.

On top of that, it made me a more empathetic and understanding person. I grew up with bigotry; thankfully, my parents weren't outright or proudly racist or xenophobic, but still unknowingly kept using terms that are actually slurs, or said things that were well-meaning or with neutral intentions, but ultimately ignorant and offensive either way.

They used to be homophobic, and always had something to point out about someone on TV or on the street; slutshaming, fatphobia, being ignorant of disabled people if it wasn't the stereotypical person in a wheelchair, never trying to understand where the other person might come from or that they have a different experience than them. They always uncritically reproduced some bullshit and saw the worst in people, or saw them as caricatures of themselves. Without the internet, I would have become like them, or stayed that way for far longer at least. The internet gave me a way to push back on these ideas as much as was safe for me to do so, or just keep quiet while having a more favorable and understanding view of people in my head.

Slightly related to the former point, but it also helped me with my queerness. When I grew up (and where I grew up), queerness just wasn't discussed. Maybe it came up one day what a gay or lesbian person is, and that's it. It wasn't discussed in sex education, no one at any school I went to was out, we had no queer student couples, no teachers who were openly queer, not even a fellow student where it was known that their parents were queer. Nothing. It was like queer people theoretically existed, but it's irrelevant, or an adult thing, maybe a porn thing. Trans people were not discussed at all when I was growing up.

While you can surely list some movies or shows from before 2008 that had some queer character, it weren't popular ones, or many. It wasn't like nowadays, where it feels like most shows or movies have a queer character or multiple, intentionally, with good writing, and not just to add drama, make fun of them or kill them off. Especially kids shows even! When I watched TV, no queer person was seen. Online, I could learn about different sexualities and gender identities without an adult person policing it, restricting or censoring it, deciding what is or isn't "valid", or deciding how "age appropriate" it is. I remember scrolling Autostraddle in 2010/2011 and onwards, which helped me a lot with coming to terms with being a lesbian.

It also broadened my interests a lot! I got into games because other people invited me to play, or because I saw fanart or screenshots of the game that I liked. Sometimes I saw people all reading, watching or playing the same thing just after it released, liveblogging their experience, and it made me wanna get in on that and bond with people about it. Tumblr is the reason I got into Dragon Age and Mass Effect, for example, and I still love them today. Same with trying other hobbies, like photography, or 3D modeling, and digital drawing. Seeing people online do them not only made me aware they exist or is something I could do, but they were also encouraging others to try, and had helpful guides at hand or even made them.

These are the top things on my mind when I think about how the internet shaped me positively. There are many, many more I could list.

I want to acknowledge that the internet has changed since then, and there are new challenges that I never had to deal with. But it doesn't mean that I didn't have my fair share of problems that still exist today, and that are often used together with addiction and other issues to justify a ban.

When I grew up with the internet, there were very few, basically no resources on how to help kids with it or how to prepare them for it. We were the trial generation, I guess. No one knew better, or knew of the potential dangers much. I remember that some time, it made the news that kids were groomed on the platform Knuddels, and that parents should make sure their kids stay away.

What did this lead to? I was told Knuddels was a bad website, and I was forbidden from using it. That's it. And of course, to never give out my address or real name. My peers got the same short talk. The result was that Knuddels was very interesting to them because it was forbidden and dangerous. I didn't participate, but only because my child mind heard "The website is bad and dangerous." and thought that if I went on it, the police would come to my house and arrest me, or some stranger would instantly know where I live and come to my house and kidnap me.

What would have been better for my peers and me? An explanation of why this website is bad.

What are groomers or pedophiles? What do they want to do to me? Why is that bad? What might they use or say to convince me to send pictures, or give out my address, or meet with me? When someone says these things to me, I should notify a trusted adult and stop responding. What can I do if I send something and regret it? What if they start blackmailing me with it? Know that you will not get in trouble for telling anyone what happened to you, even if you think it's your fault.

Instead of having these conversations, parents and news chose the easy path and just designated a website the bad spot. This didn't save me from groomers everywhere else.

There were the adult men who noticed I was vulnerable because I was extremely young (12-16) and abused by my parents, and listened to my problems, reassured me, played friend, just to slowly shift the conversation towards their own "problems". The lack of sex they had (with or without partner), and what they could do to get more sex, or how lonely they felt. They'd first discuss their sex life, and then pry about yours. Did you already masturbate? How did it feel?

And as a very young girl feeling unloved and growing up oversexualized in our society, you slowly learn that sexualizing yourself and trying to be sexually available or interesting to people will earn you love, attention, and care, especially when you otherwise don't get it. And if the price for reassuring conversations with an older friend is that... you pay.

And they always say they will feel better if you send them a picture. Just of your face at first. Then more. And if you said no, they'd act hurt. They'd either remind you that they listened to all your problems so you better do as they say else it's "unfair" and you were "just using them", or they outright threaten to kill themselves.

This didn't only happen once. It happened with multiple men, different ages, in slightly different ways, and almost everyone I know has a similar story, especially when they are women.

What I would have needed to hear as a child or teen in these cases, before any of it happened, would have been:

• When they see a picture of you and tell you you seem much older, or say the way you write is so mature for your age, it's not a compliment. They want you to feel flattered and like you are special for deserving adult attention, but they say it to hook you. They are also lying to themselves about how you don't "really count as a child" when it's total bullshit.
• No adult needs a child friend. No adult needs to cry on a child's shoulder. They have other adult friends and their own parents and other resources to help them out. They only say these things so you will feel bad for them and not cut contact, or do as they say. They use your sympathy and willingness to help against you.
• They will not kill themselves. They just threaten that so you comply. If you are not sure or concerned, call the police on them.
• When you take the pictures and videos they ask of you, or do things in front of a webcam in a video call, you are producing child sexual abuse material. That's not only illegal, but this will haunt you, and be traded between the perpetrators forever.

Why is it so hard to have these conversations and teach children and teens that?

Why do we once again try to paint with a broad brush about how this or that game or platform is bad, but we don't actually do everything in our power to demand that these platforms are improved not just for kids and teens, but for everyone?

Why don't we still not put a lot of time and effort into helping kids and teens spot predators, scams, propaganda, manipulated content, ragebait, purposefully addictive content and the like?

Why can we not teach them how to be responsible with porn and how to judge its content? How are we still not really discussing safe sexting when we know teens will do it?

How are we still so behind on teaching them about privacy, data protection, and how their data will be used?

We don't give children and teens enough competency, media literacy and knowledge to decide for themselves and truly understand the consequences, and then watch them bumble around cluelessly or be preyed on, and use that as an excuse to take away their agency and rights.

Age changes absolutely nothing about these platforms or the risk of falling prey to someone or something. Becoming older doesn't automatically flip a switch and enables the knowledge on how to properly assess your screen time and your media habits or tastes and take the appropriate action. It doesn't automatically teach you when something is wrong and what to do. It doesn't immediately give you good media literacy. It doesn't just install good habits around online sexuality and porn.

It doesn't safeguard you from emotionally manipulative content, effects of advertising, false promises of influencers, and how to spot unattainable beauty standards. It doesn't protect you from love scams or being blackmailed with nudes. If you are not taught about these things, and are shielded from the danger until you are 16-18, you will just make these experiences later, with absolutely no support. The same things that harm kids harm adults! The same stuff kids fall for, your grandma falls for too!

Social media bans and severe age restrictions and verification enables everyone to shrug and throw their hands up as if they had no clue on how to help this. Platform owners can continue their platforms as before with no changes needed, which is great for them because things like engagement metrics, infinite scroll, ragebait, and the like keep the platform afloat and they don't have to adjust their predatory and unethical business model.

Parents and schools are allowed to bury their heads in the sand, shifting blame between each other as both parties are too stressed, overwhelmed and have no time to deal with this. Giving into all of this with bans and handing over sensitive data to companies selling to data brokers is a declaration of bankruptcy of our willingness to raise children to be capable and responsible adults with the necessary freedoms and support.

You are abandoning and neglecting your children.

I read the Datenschutzberater, a magazine dedicated to data protection law in Germany. In the edition DSB-07-08/2026, in her article "Neue Anforderungen an den Kinderdatenschutz - Praxisfolgen aktueller Behördenpositionen", author Anna-Lena Eswein explains the current state of child data protection law and uses a fictional example of a child-friendly app to illustrate them.

One feature of this fictional app is: Specific presets for minor accounts. A private profile, the inability to be found via search or recommended profiles, comments and DMs are only possible with pre-approved contacts. Changes to these settings require a "conscious decision". The author doesn't write that, but I assume this decision needs to be made by the parent, or at least with parental approval.

I think approaches like these are highly problematic!

This restricts online interactions to merely real life connections, approved by their parents, exchanged in person. Likely just accounts by family members, some people from school, and of the club(s) the child is in, and that's it. That is not enough! Referencing back to what I wrote above about what the internet gave me, the ability to interact with people all over the world gave me so much.

The option to seek out whomever I wanted, or be approached by people with similar interests, was important. I needed a space online where I could be visible to others, showcase me and my interests, explore how I wanted to act and present myself, and where I could talk about my problems removed from the watchful eye of parents or real life peers that didn't understand me. I had contact with much older adults in forums that was helpful, kind, respectful, informative and helped me grow, like another parental figure or an online aunt or uncle. I am still very grateful for them.

If my mother would have had the option to control my online life like parents nowadays have, it would have shielded me so much from good and necessary online content and interactions, and would have purposefully prevented me from speaking about my abuse to others online. She would have been even more successful in separating myself from others and being able to gaslight me about her behavior and what is normal in a family. It would have reduced my online presence to a second channel for abuse and limited real life connections, plus maybe a feed (algorithmic or not) that merely makes me a silent spectator and consumer to whatever is on it (maybe even pre-approved, too).

How are queer kids supposed to find each other like this, when not every area, every school, is safe in real life or where not everyone is visibly out? How are disabled or neurodivergent kids find each other, when they are often one of the only ones in their class or school, and want to speak to someone they can relate to? We can't make up for social contact with some TV shows or infographics or watching a YouTube video about it.

How are teens supposed to learn about sexuality or politics or the genocide in Gaza when their feed is scrubbed clean and their parents will instantly find out if they recently searched "gay sex" in the app search? Everything will instantly be a shameful conversation brought up at the next dinner before the child is even ready to bring it up themselves.

Yes, a setup like this during my time as a teen would have meant those men would have never found or contacted me. But it would have stolen far more from me; my safe space, my therapy, my online friends, my education and my interests. My negative online experiences were completely preventable without taking away the good, or running 24/7 surveillance on all my devices. It would have just been more effort, and would have required adults to talk to me, and treat me like an autonomous human being who can learn and make good decisions, instead of a sentient pet rock that doesn't have any rights.

I would never, ever trade in the good to avoid the bad. I would have rather gone through the bad than miss out on the person the good parts made me. The bad has never been more preventable while still allowing kids and teens their own spaces and platforms for emotional support, to explore who they are, and learn more than their parents and school teach them. Without bans or age verification.

It requires educational resources, time and willingness to sit down and discuss, humanizing children and teens and hearing them out, and holding platforms accountable for the bad they level against all of us, not just children. The sad reason the latter doesn't happen is because the EU has made itself so reliant on US tech that any real threat or consequences to US platforms has become a burden too great to bare. And they'd rather give the fascist US empire more money and install more surveillance and control over us all than actually give a fuck about your children. Children and teen's isolation and loss of resources, spaces and friendships is an okay price to pay for these fossils and their addiction to Microslop. Fuck them!

Published 19 Sep, 2026

1. When I think about what tools parents have nowadays to control their child - live tracking, a report on everything the child did on a device, access to all accounts and DMs, a camera in the child's room... I get sick to my stomach. That tech was made for parents like mine, and there are reasons why they will die alone.