The Belgian parenting hack: abandoning children in the woods

Every summer on a dark evening, Belgian children as young as 11 are dropped off somewhere they don't know and told to find their way to a campsite. Without an adult or a smartphone. Kids wandering the countryside by themselves? Where are their parents? Their absence is precisely the point. “It's fun because you can do a bit of what you want,” my 13-year-old daughter explained when I asked her about it. By which she means eating lots of sugar and staying out very late with a group of 15 or more other children. Big in Belgium Scouting and other youth movements are huge in Belgium. Long-lasting friend groups are forged by frolicking in the mud and rain every weekend. One in five children in the Flanders region are members of such groups and about one in six in Wallonia and Brussels. Only Iceland has more scouts per population, according to the On Scouting website. My daughter has never missed any of her group's overnight scout camps involving “dropping”. Before her first one, I asked whether she was sure she wanted to go. She was, and I said no more, but at the slightest mention of doubt I would have been tempted to keep her home and safe. In the summer, “dropping” means the children wander the roads of Belgium for two days, overnighting at another scout campsite. My daughter estimates that they walked up to 30 kilometres a day during this summer's camp. The children, ranging in age from 11 to 14, carry a backpack with everything they need. Older kids warn the younger ones to pack light, “not even pyjamas, just sleep in your scouts uniform even if it's unhygienic,” she said. For shorter expeditions, they pick up clues for their next destination at each crossroads. On the longer trips, they need to follow a map and ask for directions. “In my first year, there was always something we had to do at a crossroads. Once we had to go around ringing at doors asking for eggs at 23.00. Some people weren't very happy,” she said. “One time it was a crossword puzzle, so two people did that, and the rest of us sat down.” “We're not allowed to ring doorbells anymore” on the summer trip, she said, since locals in Belgium's hilly Ardennes region “have had enough of scout groups.” During this year's hot weather, they did it anyway to get water. Still, strangers are often kind when they see large groups of uniformed children trekking across the landscape. “We stopped outside a kebab place, and this man ordered two big platters for us,” she said. Two of the children usually carry a phone for emergencies or to call scout leaders for the next clue. In case of illness, for example, a leader can always come by car to pick them up. Mostly, however, the kids need to sort out their own problems. When one small boy carrying a heavy backpack was slowing my daughter's group down, an older child took his bag for a while. And they learn from their mistakes. One group took the wrong way and “had to go through streams and take off their shoes to wade through a river and go through fields,” my daughter said. Kids today I grew up in Dublin, running out the door after school and playing with the children on our street where few cars passed. Our mothers didn't always know where we were, and would yell for us to come in for dinner. My daughter is growing up just outside of Brussels. While local children do sometimes play on the street, they regularly need to dodge fast cars. School friends rarely drop by spontaneously; playdates are organised by parents in advance. Most kids, even pre-teens, have phones so parents can call them or even track their location. As a worried parent, I find this comforting. On a human level, it's borderline creepy. My daughter can tell me where she is, but I can find out regardless. On Halloween, when she went out trick-or-treating, her phone's location told my phone when her group was turning around and coming home. Childhood is different now. Children and teens are spending more time on screens and less time moving or playing outside. This change in habits affects their physical health, with increasing obesity rates, and may affect their mental well-being too. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, who has campaigned for curbs on social media for children and teens, argues that children need more independence, free play, and responsibility. He talks of “constant adult supervision” depriving children of opportunities to explore, learn how to judge risks, and build close friendships through shared adventure. Belgium's adult-free scouting excursions offer exactly those things. “It's really fun, and you talk a lot,” my daughter said of the treks. “The camp only really starts after the dropping, because everybody is more connected.” She said scouting strengthened some friendships and meant she wasn't homesick on a five-day school trip, unlike a school friend who had never been away from home before. She also got used to making her own lunch at camp, and even packing her own bag for a trip. But this isn't universal. “Some people's moms still do their packing,” she said, rolling her eyes.