Trickle-Down Economics Sues Third Law of Motion for Being a Thing

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
SOME SUNNY DISTRICT IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA NEAR A HORSE RANCH

TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS, (plaintiff)
V.
THE THIRD LAW OF MOTION, (defendant)

STATEMENT OF CLAIM

1. THE THIRD LAW OF MOTION, which has been debunked time and time again by people who say they are familiar with the matter, including Schrödinger’s cat, has repeatedly bent reality to discredit TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS, singling it out over other phenomena, like the eating and digestion of breakfast cereal, in a cynical ploy to destroy the minority of the opulent in America and the Principles of the Enlightenment; that every action has an equal and opposing reaction in America when it comes to marginal tax rates and stock buybacks and corporate mergers is obvious economic terrorism, plus it violates Ding an sich—Kant’s thing-in-itself—and we all know Newton had it in for Kant because Kant had better social skills.

2. The squiggly line representing CEO pay on the IS THE MIDDLE CLASS GETTING FUCKED? Cartesian Plane shoots up by over 900 percent from 1981 to 2025, but this is only true when you’re looking at the graph; when you’re not looking at the graph, this is untrue (even if it feels true); there is no a priori evidence that CEO pay rose by 900 percent as worker pay rose by 0.9 percent after slashing marginal tax rates and relaxing stock buyback laws and greenlighting corporate mergers; that’s just, like, THIRD LAW OF MOTION’s opinion; we all know you can’t trust your eyes because the senses lie—as Descartes says, “If I listened to charts and graphs, I wouldn’t be in the canon of Western philosophy.”

3. Ask Newton if people regurgitate their breakfast cereal every morning after eating it and he’ll look at you like you’re stupid, which is a projection because he knows THE THIRD LAW OF MOTION is as intellectually inconsistent as it is morally inconsistent; what goes down should come up if THIRD LAW applied to all phenomena, and Kant knows the cereal will remain settled in your stomach as long as the milk isn’t spoiled, in which case it will indeed shoot up violently out of your mouth; that’s not because the THIRD LAW OF MOTION is on the up-and-up, it’s because lactobacillus and bacillus were fruitful and multiplied, and the LORD God said that this is good whilst speaking on the White House lawn through his medium, President Ronald Reagan.

4. Allowing THIRD LAW OF MOTION to continue to exist has mobilized American miscreants into a resurrectionary revolution whereby they’ve used Ouija boards and pre-1988 Metallica records to bring Lenin and Stalin back from the dead, both of whom just won mayoral elections in major US cities; this speaks of the devil’s interference in US politics and spells the death of American liberty as we know it.

RELIEF

TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS seeks the public censure and execution of THE THIRD LAW OF MOTION, along with all of Newton’s Theories, in order to continue its existence as a 100 percent true economic law; it also seeks a ban on all pre-1988 Metallica records, which lured innocent Americans into both Satanism and Stalinism; and it demands the immediate remittance of all income tax American Working Families paid to Stalin and Lenin when TRICKLE-DOWN wasn’t looking, which was a blatant act of treason, one that should condemn tax-paying American Working Families to death; TRICKLE-DOWN knows the COURT will do the right thing, and if the COURT doesn’t feel like doing the right thing, that’s OK, just send TRICKLE-DOWN the COURT’s Bitcoin address on Signal—username “TRICKS.”