Christopher and Kevin

Two of my favorite people on this planet happen to also be two of my favorite photographers, and both are instrumental to how my life has unfolded. From the left we have Christopher Michel, Kevin Kelly, Sophie, and myself:

Yesterday, we spent a couple of hours walking around Golden Gate Park, and one of the topics that came up is how critical these two have been in my life, not just as friends and mentors, but in deflecting me from some other possible path to the one I’m on now. If I wrote a biography, it would be a story about other people, each chapter dedicated to a friend or family member who led me to the fortunate place in which I find myself.

Christopher had asked me if I ever marvel at where we are in life, and I told him about this project and how there would certainly be a chapter devoted to him. (Before you read any further, I highly recommend scrolling through some of these images on Christopher’s website. What’s wild about his photography, is that he excels at everything. Nature, wildlife, landscape, portraits … he has no weakness. But his passion, I think, is portraits. And a testament to Christopher is that he’s drawn to scientists and explorers, thinkers and inventors, the people who ought to be more famous rather than those who already are. Of course, he’s hired to shoot the latter all the time. But Christopher would rather be in a U2 on the edge of space — he’s also a pilot — or at one of the Earth’s poles, or teetering on the top of the Golden Gate Bridge. He’s fascinated by frontiers and the people pushing the horizon a little further away.)

I told Christopher that I’m not sure I would be married to my favorite person were it not for him. Christopher and I first met fifteen years ago, here in San Francisco. There was a dinner and tech talk, a very early behind-closed-doors presentation of a Google Deepmind project, the first beginnings of what became today’s LLMs. After the presentation, which was trippy and insane in the best way possible, about twenty of us sat for a meal. The people I knew best at the table were Ramez Naam and Brady Forest, both of which would easily have a chapter in my biography. Mez deflected my path in a massive way. We met as sci-fi authors at ChiCon, a big SF book festival. Mez introduced me to Brady the following year, and the two of them roped me into the wild intersection of Silicon Valley, Burning Man, Startups, Big Tech, Hackers, and Geeky Weirdos. My tribe, as I would soon discover (and as they immediately recognized in me).

Also at that dinner was Rob Reid, another sci-fi author who is much more than just that. Entrepreneur and musician, one of the biggest brains I’ve ever encountered, Rob would become one of my dearest friends for the next few years, impacting me in profound ways and introducing me to a huge swath of the friends I feel lucky to know. The other lifelong friend I made at this dinner was Christopher Michel, who is a voracious reader of science fiction and took this shot of Mez, Rob, and Myself that night after dinner:

Seven or eight years later, Christopher was putting together a photography expedition to the Arctic to look for polar bears and to revel in the extreme stillness that he loves about high latitudes. I jumped at the chance and signed up, mostly to get more time with the friends who were joining the expedition. That trip was supposed to take place in 2020. When covid hit, the trip was pushed back indefinitely. Little did I know, the universe was waiting for me to meet the right person to take with me.

My wife and I met at a gathering of friends in Tuscany. On the way to the event, I met a guy named Carlos and we really hit it off (there’s a theme here about me very swiftly falling in love with amazing men). I recognized in Carlos a future friend that I wanted more time with, so I invited him on this Arctic expedition that had been pushed back to 2022. It was just a few weeks away, and I had an extra bunk in my cabin (it was a very small expedition of only about 13 people plus crew). Carlos had a scheduling conflict and said he couldn’t go, but he said his best friend would probably love the trip. His best friend was one Shay Londre. Shay and I met at the gathering, agreed to go look for polar bears, and flew to Svalbard as friends to meet up with Christopher. We stepped onto the small boat hours after our first kiss. Earlier that day, we purchased matching sweaters “for our Christmas card.” It was July 1st. We were planning our Christmas card on July 1st, the day we became a couple. Christopher took this photo of us:

He also took this crazy photo:

My other favorite photographer and one of my favorite people on the planet is Kevin Kelly, best known for his books, including one of my top-10 works of non-fiction: WHAT TECHNOLOGY WANTS. This is a book that will reorganize how you see history and life. I can’t recommend it highly enough. Kevin was also the founding editor of Wired magazine, a founding board member of the Long Now Foundation, a prolific speaker and futurist, and much more. One of those “much more” that often gets overlooked with Kevin is his photography. Kevin walked all across Asia for fifty years, carrying little more than a camera and a backpack full of rolls of film. He went places no one with a camera had ever been before. His collection of just a sample of these photographs – VANISHING ASIA – is one of the greatest works of art ever assembled. Few works have ever entailed so much time and labor, so much craft and love. I treasure my copy. Not sure if there are any left, but collectors should keep an eye out.

Kevin and I met at a TED Summit in Banff. Here’s that biographical thread again: Meeting Mez at ChiCon, led to me meeting Brady Forest at Foo Camp, which led to me meeting Rob Reid in San Francisco, which led to me meeting Chris Anderson in NYC, where Chris encouraged me to come to TED Summit. It terrifies me how delicate this thread is, because all of it leads to me marrying my soul mate. At TED, there were activities you could sign up for. I signed up for a hike, and fell into a rhythm with Kevin, whose book I had recently devoured. We talked nonstop, a habit that has lasted fifteen years.

I’ve learned a lot from both of them, about life and love and passion. One of the things I’ve learned from Kevin is that friendships are a chance to grow old together. Kevin has been friends with Stewart Brand for many decades. There’s a tightness to a bond that stretches out that long, and it isn’t just built on how much quality time you get together — though this is a huge part of it — it’s also based on the number of years that pass while knowing each other. Even if you just check in a few times a year, or get a good deep hang now and then, someone you’ve known for a few weeks suddenly becomes someone you’ve watched evolve over decades.

The first time I recognized this with Kevin and Stewart, it created a little mantra that I share with my friends, even if we’ve just met and only recently fallen in love. We get to grow old together. There’s almost nothing more beautiful than this. It’s a reminder that there will be gaps in our time, but those gaps are valuable. The gaps are crucial. The years stretch out there and grow comfortable.

While we were walking, Christopher would point to a place and ask me to stand there. Look this way. Close your mouth. Snap, snap. He only takes a few pictures and then says, “Okay we’re done.” Over the years, all my author photos have been pictures he’s taken like this, very little ado, like it’s nothing, but no one captures people as effortlessly as he does.

I love both of these men while my whole heart. And my author photo got a little grayer:

Bonus photo: Christopher was taking shots of Kevin a couple years ago, and Shay and I were visiting at the time. I think this is my favorite photo of Kevin ever taken:

If you just thought of a friend you love who hasn’t heard from you today, send them a little heart or a quick text. Guess what? They were just thinking of you as well. Remind them that you get to grow old together.

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