Ask a Sober Oldster #36: John DeVore

This monthly interview series is a collaboration between Oldster Magazine and The Small Bow, A.J. Daulerio’s excellent newsletter and podcast about recovery and mental health, and appears in both newsletters. Learn more about this collaboration in this Oldster podcast/videocast episode.Check Out The Small Bow

John Devore. Illustration by Edith Zimmerman.

is a writer and editor. His debut memoir, Theatre Kids, came out in 2024. He’s written for Rolling Stone, Esquire, Food & Wine, and others. He writes the newsletter, about masculinity and mental health. He lives in Brooklyn with his wife and their one-eyed mutt.

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How old are you, and how long have you been in recovery?

I am 51 years old. I’ve been sober for 16 years. My last drink was on May 17, 2010.

How did you get there?

I ask myself that question every day. I have a couple of answers: the first is, “one day at a time.” I know that’s not wildly original. I try to resist self-help-y cliches in my writing and life, except when it comes to my sobriety; then I cannot resist them. There is no such thing as an overused, hokey piece of quotable, second-hand wisdom. It’s a journey, not a destination. Progress, not perfection. This too shall pass. Time takes time. Easy does it. I am sober because sixteen years ago I was suffering, and angry, and isolated, and I busied myself with pushing away those who cared about me (a shrinking circle of people at the time).

I made a big choice sixteen years ago, and since then, I have made thousands of smaller, daily choices, and so here I am. Previously, my life was measured in drinks and lies. My rock bottom was a deep, dark, cold hole that I sat in.

I have another answer, and I’m really going to try to keep my answers under two minutes. I am here because I did many things differently—and in some instances, the opposite of how I was living—and one of those things was that I started randomly calling people. Not texting. I wanted to hear their voices. Friends. Family. I’d…