3 Cards, 1 Occasion

One of my wife’s oldest friends gave us not one, not two, but three different cards to congratulate us on our wedding. Granted, she was invited to both the civil marriage and the tea ceremony on top of the actual party, but those happened on the same day. So, at best, she could have justified giving two cards, and, realistically, even that is a stretch.

But the choices we make which others remember for are rarely rational, are they? This friend came all the way from Australia. She had a good time exploring Germany before and after the events. So here and there, she picked up more gift cards and wrote yet more kind words. These decisions were not based on calculated reasoning. She probably just thought, “Why not?“

Some people traveled far to our wedding and still gave us multiple gifts. Others traveled less far and stuck with a nicely written card—as my wife and I did at their wedding. Every relationship is different. There aren’t any hard rules for whom you connect with the most.

Anyone observing from the outside could easily find plenty of instances of you being “unfair.” Why does one newer friend get more attention than an older one? Why do you cut some folks more slack when they’re late? There aren’t any good answers. Only acceptance.

Accept the people who treat you extra special and the people who keep things simple and straightforward. Likewise, lean into your intuition on how you’d like to treat others. If you feel like giving a friend a Tuesday gift, go for it. And if you don’t agree with an imagined social obligation to spend a lot of money on someone, then don’t spend the money.

Life’s not fair, and that’s one of the best things about it—because the “unfair” moments are those we’ll remember most clearly in the end, especially the ones when someone treated us better than we felt we deserved.