How to Make a Marriage Work When One Spouse Is a Saver and the Other Spouse a Spender

(Illustration by Lynne Tuttle/Barron’s; Adobe Stock (1))

Key Points

• Research shows spouses who both identify as savers report higher levels of financial and relationship happiness.
• Financial experts say saver-spender couples can find balance by communicating openly, removing judgment and establishing common budget rules.
• Data from HelloPrenup shows 73% of its users choose to keep earned incomes separate, and only 30% opt for joint accounts.

Couples with different spending habits can quickly find themselves at odds.

If one is a spender and the other is a saver, both end up frustrated.

According to research published in the Journal of Financial Counseling and Planning, spouses who both see themselves as “savers” report higher levels of financial and relationship happiness.

But financial advisors and therapists agree that being a saver-spender couple doesn’t doom a relationship.

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In fact, it can lead to a healthy balance between joyful spending and careful budgeting, if communication lines are open and some rules are put in place.

So how to go about it?

Ali Harris-Saunders, a certified financial counselor at the Canadian nonprofit Credit Counseling Society, says conflicting spending habits in a relationship are usually a communication issue rather than simply a financial problem.

“The first step is removing judgment,” she says. Instead of asking, “Why are you spending so much?” ask, “What does spending this money do for you?” she says.

Instead of criticizing a saver, ask, “What would make you feel more comfortable financially?” she says.

Figuring out why people spend and save and what would make them feel less anxious can help bridge the gap and establish common budgetary rules, she says.

Then the specific budgets depend on each couple.

“There really is no one-size-fits-all approach,” says Harris-Saunders. “Couples who navigate their finances successfully don’t do well because they agree on every financial decision. They do well because they communicate openly, respect their differences and align on common goals.”

Stacey Black, lead financial educator at the Washington-based credit union BECU, agrees. She advises couples with differing spending habits to start by discussing core values and shared goals before diving into numbers.

“Once you understand each other’s goals, it’s much easier to create a budget that feels collaborative rather than restrictive, even if there are some philosophical differences in terms of how [people] view finances,” she says.

She advises tools such as digital envelopes—online tools where people can set aside pots of money for specific purchases—to categorize shared savings for targets such as vacations or emergencies. She has found having set amounts for specific money goals can help alleviate tension between couples.

Another piece of advice she gives is to agree on a dollar amount above which purchases require a mutual conversation to help avoid surprises, be that limit $100 or $1,000.

“The goal shouldn’t be to make one person change completely. The goal should be to create a financial structure that respects both partners,” she says.

She worked with a couple who were new parents in their late 20s struggling with mounting bills.

The wife was the spender and was comfortable putting unexpected expenses on credit, while the husband was focused on saving and wanted to make sure they had money set aside for emergencies.

Rather than trying to force identical habits, the couple structured their finances with separate personal checking accounts and a joint account for bills.

“It gave them both a little more freedom while still making sure they were working toward the same goals,” explains Black.

She has found this hybrid approach—one common account and two separate ones—most popular.

“It also helps take some of the tension out of day-to-day spending decisions,” she says.

Julia Rodgers, chief executive and co-founder of online prenuptial agreement platform HelloPrenup, has noticed the same pattern of separate finances.

According to her data, about 73% of HelloPrenup users choose to keep income earned during marriage separate. Over three-quarters keep all debt incurred during marriage separate, and only 30% opt for joint accounts.

Besides looking at specific account setups, Rodgers also encourages conversations to get to the root of spending behaviors. Big purchases are usually the symptom of something deeper, she says.

“A lot of high spending habits are really coping mechanisms in disguise. Someone who orders takeout constantly might not be indulging so much as exhausted, or lonely,” she says.

One young couple who used her platform from North Hollywood, Calif., were together eight years before marrying in 2024.

The husband came from wealth but lacked savings habits, Rodgers says, while the wife had developed strong budgeting discipline through debt repayment. They decided to combine finances and the husband helped pay off the wife’s $12,000 in credit-card debt.

Their conversations, open and free of judgment, helped them overcome their differing approaches to money, she says. “The goal is not to police each other’s spending. It is to prevent surprises while preserving autonomy,” she says.

Others take a more mathematical approach.

Eric Bernal, wealth advisor and portfolio manager at Racine, Wis.-based wealth management firm Johnson Financial Group, says he uses detailed financial modeling to ground couples’ goals in hard numbers.

“Feelings and emotions play a big role in financial planning,” he says. “This is where the math … brings clarity to the picture,” he says.

Bernal worked with a couple in Kenosha, Wis., where the 65-year-old husband sold his manufacturing business and retired with approximately $2 million in savings.

But he felt anxiety about transitioning from a steady income to drawing down the couple’s life savings, despite his 63-year-old wife’s desire to travel and enjoy their wealth.

After careful analysis, the couple realized they were living well within their means and could afford to dream bigger.

Through annual plan reviews, they gained the confidence to travel more and gift money to family, says Bernal.

“It was hard for [the husband] to change his way of thinking” he says, but eventually “clarity set in.”

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