Pretend You’re Invincible, Accept That You’re Not

I’m a relentless optimist by nature. I believe for any future event, you should look forward to it as if nothing could possibly go wrong—because that will increase the chances it’ll actually happen the way you intend to: smoothly and on time.

When I was younger, this optimism wasn’t tempered with a counterbalancing perspective. So, sometimes, when stuff inevitably went wrong, I felt my optimism thwarted without a good enough explanation. I had believed so hard—so why didn’t things work out?

In my late 20s, I managed to cultivate a different, additional perspective: There are many things in life out of your control. When they don’t go your way, accept them as quickly as you can, and move on. This view is of course in direct opposition to the other one. Yet, they work best when put together.

Take the day of my wedding registration, for example. My fiancée and I had meticulously planned the event. Until a few days before, I didn’t think anything could possibly go wrong. In the last week leading up to the big day, however, I consciously reflected on some of the potential mishaps: The weather could turn bad. A guest might cancel last-minute. We might be delayed. My fiancée’s dad could have unforeseen problems with his illness.

Once I had them present in my mind, I was okay with any of those things happening. Some did. Others didn’t. And, in the end, it still felt as if everything went off without a hitch despite some stumbles and roadblocks.

Scientists call this “integrative complexity:” the ability to hold multiple perspectives in your head at the same time, understanding they can all be true. I’m far from always mastering it perfectly, but it’s one of the most helpful attitudes you can cultivate.

Pretend you’re invincible, accept that you’re not. You can do both simultaneously, and your life will be all the better for it.