Gift-Giving in Japan: What Life in the Japanese Countryside Taught Me

I started baking sourdough bread in self-defense. My family was being inundated by gifts from our friends and neighbours: vegetables from their gardens, newly-laid eggs, omiyage, homemade cheesecakes, English books for my children, kimono, old family artifacts, and more. That’s not to mention the baby-sitting, the dog-sitting, the constant offers to drive us places, and the invitations to neighbourhood events, coffee, barbeques, and dinner.

I needed to return these favors, but what was I supposed to offer? My precious stock of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups was soon gone. Our house is too small to properly entertain. I certainly can’t offer English lessons to everyone on my street!

I knew when I moved from Kanto to Kansai that Osaka people are considered loud, funny, and abrasive, whereas Kyoto people are supposed to be refined, cultured, and passive-aggressive. Nobody warned me that people in Nara are pathologically generous.

It isn’t just me who thinks so, as I discovered while speaking to a fellow mom at ballet class, a woman who grew up in Osaka and had only recently moved to Nara. “People here are really nice, right?” I said. She agreed: “Sometimes they’re so nice, I don’t know what to do!”

The intent of this article is to offer some idea of what you can do, if you are considering moving to a similar small town, or if you are also feeling overwhelmed by the number of Japanese coworkers, friends, or relatives who come bearing gifts.

• First, give up on getting it right
• The moving-in present
• So. Many. Gifts.
• Giving money
• Omiyage
• Advice for day-to-day gifting
• Advanced level: develop a specialty

First, give up on getting it right

This isn’t a comprehensive explanation of Japanese gift-giving culture. I don’t believe that’s possible, given regional variations in etiquette, and even if it was there’s still no way I’d get everything correct.

This became quite clear to me during a recent conversation with my friend Kitazoe. I asked her about specific instances when…