I Read the Terms of Service for My Smart TV and Now I Sleep with One Eye Open

It was a beautiful moment. The delivery team, like two
benevolent angels in matching polo shirts, had just mounted
my new MegaCorp Glimmer-Screen 9000 to the wall. It was a
sleek, obsidian monolith of pure 8K resolution, so thin it
seemed to defy the laws of physics. It promised a world of
seamless streaming, voice-activated convenience, and a
picture so clear I could count the pores on a news anchor's
face from across the room.

I was in love. This wasn't just a TV; it was a window to
the future. I powered it on, and the screen glowed to life
with a welcoming chime that sounded suspiciously like a cash
register. Then came the setup screen. Wi-Fi password,
streaming service logins, and then... the final boss of
modern technology: the Terms of Service.

Usually, I do what any sane person d…