SSAW Radio ’26 Spring

CURATOR NOTE:

Notes on Alain de Botton’s Romanticism Talk:

1. There is a soulmate. Loneliness will be banished. By instinct, we can find a soulmate. The feeling of a crush is treated as proof of destiny.

2. Romanticism has caused trouble for long-term relationships.

• Romanticism thinks that everyone is perfect and angelic, which leads to self-righteousness. However, we are all warped and distorted while hardly possessing any self-knowledge. We often assume that we would be easy to live with if only we met the “right person.” We need someone who can handle our insanity; we do not need them to be perfect.

• The way we seek love as adults is deeply connected with the way we learned about love as children. (Freud much?) Sometimes we reject healthy relationships because they do not reproduce the kinds of suffering we unconsciously expect from love.

• Romanticism values honesty. However, we cannot be entirely ourselves all the time. In the name of love, we sometimes need to hold back parts of who we are.

• Romanticism does not prepare us for some of the difficulties that might arise in relationships. It tends to ignore or underestimate certain practical situations.

• Romanticism thinks that soulmates do not need to explain themselves to each other. Too much expression or verbalization is believed to destroy love (i.e. true love is wordless), which leads to sulking. In reality, people cannot understand everything through mind-reading.

• Romanticism loves slight imperfections in people.

• Teaching each other is at the core of love. But we are often very defensive.

• We should enter relationships with high expectations. Love is ultimately a skill that must be learned. However, we are deeply trapped by the idea that if it is not natural, then it is wrong.

3. Learn some skills of love.

• Imagine your partner as a child.

• Learn to see your partner as a lovable idiot.

• Tone down the notion of crushes: every human being is deeply disturbed when seen up close. We are always searching for the “right person,” but compatibility is an achievement of love, not a precondition of love.

• Safety and excitement are often incompatible.

• If almost all of your negative emotional energy comes from your partner, leave.

• Why marriage? We benefit from the “cage” of marriage. We willingly enclose ourselves within it.

written in 21/07/11

SETLIST:

You Can’t Always Get What You Want — Erika de Casier

You’ll See — Tizzy Bac

Lose My Focus — Raveena

Look at You! — aDAN

슈케이저 — Misty Blue

MERRY-GO-ROUND — sokodomo, Zion.T, Wonstein

Strangers — Black Country, New Road

Emotionless — Drake

木綿のハンカチーフ — 下津光史

Foule sentimentale — Alain Souchon

Restless Heart — Peter Cetera

Love Is Easy Chaos — Hannah Hu

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• ssaw radio ’26 spring / curated by alex